“What you felt was a hurtful GOODBYE, has now made room for your FOREVER. You can love in the right way that no longer leaves your spirit behind. What came to cause confusion is now requiring you to build your CONFIDENCE. It does get better than this. You now know to embrace what may be deemed as failure as it only ushers in graduation. Because of God, you qualify for real, responsible and unconditional love. No longer will you allow anyone to temporarily occupy that spot as as an MVP in your life. Because when everyone left or treated you in an undeserving way, your MVP stayed close to you. God is loving you through your hurt and pain. So it’s time to let it all go… the tears and the fighting make room for a love that will shine even when the sun no longer lights up the day and the moon no longer lights up the night. Start loving on yourself. Heal from the heartbreak so you can move on into the next chapter of your life.” -Tatiana Jerome
I felt every word Tatiana said in the passage above and just reading it almost brought tears to my eyes. I’ve experienced a heartbreak like this one that she’s strongly trying to encourage people to heal from. Six years ago, I left the most toxic relationship I’d ever been in. I was in it four years too long. Leaving wasn’t easy.. In fact, it was very hard. I think somehow I had gotten use to and comfortable with all of the mental and physical abuse.. all the lying, cheating and disappointment.. it’s like I’d somehow become numb to it. I just made myself deal with it the best way I could but today I can say that I am so grateful for God answering prayers and giving me the strength and courage to go! Getting pregnant out of wedlock is such a sin to some people but for me it was a blessing and I honestly think my child helped save my life.
I made up in my mind that my baby didn’t deserve to live in an enviroment like the one I was settling for and if I wanted to give him a real chance of having a happy and healthy life, I had to go!! It took a lot of time, self-love, prayer and a great deal of encouragement from certain people in my corner to actually heal from all that I’d gone through in those four years of being with that person. The healing process of it hurt like hell but now I can look back and see how it was all just worth it!
Going through all of that was so hard. I’ll admit, I was scared of being lonely. I scared of raising my child with no father figure in his life. The thought of living the single parent life was a little frightening for me.. even though I watched MY Mom do it for 12 years, I just knew that was not the life I wanted to live!! I had my moments of sadness because I didn’t think no other man would ever want me mostly because I couldn’t bring much to the table at the time. I was pretty hard on myself. My self-esteem took a major hit but man.. I Thank God for G R O W T H !!
Now I can really look back and say, everything that I went through grew me in so many different ways and on so many different levels!! You have no idea how hard I have fought to become the woman I am today. When I say it has taken A LOT of love and pain to get here.. that is what I mean!! And let me tell you something.. God has been faithful !! He has given me EVERYTHING plus some that I prayed and asked Him for during that process of healing and rebuilding myself.
So to everyone who is still struggling through the healing process of the break up – keep telling yourself that things are going to work out even when you don’t know how. Keep loving on you! Keep trusting in the fact that God has it under control and most of all.. believe over everything else that all you have been through is shaping and molding you into the person you are destined to be!! Your positive attitude and optimism will start to change everything that’s happening in your life for the better. There will be a sudden shift because you decided not to give up. Despite the pain, you kept pushing and fighting for better !! Don’t quit because YOU DESERVE BETTER. YOU DESERVE THE BEST.
I know this post is a little lengthy so I’m about to end it. I just wanted to encourage you on today if you’re dealing with this struggle. Remember, self love and self healing is an ongoing process. It’s not something you do for a season and then it’s over. When you establish that healthy and loving relationship with yourself then you set the tone for EVERY other relationship in your life!!
P.S – just in case no one told you today.. I LOVE YOU!! Keep your chin up 🙂 xx!
In this season of my life, I’m learning the power of loving from a distance. It is not necessary to rebuild a relationship with everyone you’ve forgiven. It’s really not. Just because you’re at peace doesn’t mean they’re still not toxic. When you get tired of being of stressed out, depressed, angry and unhappy all the time eventually you begin craving peace and once you get a taste of that… you’ll see that there’s nothing like it. Peace of Mind… I know once I get mine, I’ll do almost anything to keep it! Sometimes, it’s a hard thing to obtain and even harder to keep if you’re not careful about who and what you spend your time around. I have found it to be hard putting distance between myself and certain people; especially those you’re supposed to be close to… like family members for example. Family or not though, it doesn’t matter who they are, if they’re bringing you down or causing you stress then it becomes necessary to create some distance. When you’re really on a mission to be successful in life, even if the goal is something as simple as obtaining that “peace of mind” you’ll begin to see how important it is to eliminate any negativity. And let me explain something, just because you love from a distance doesn’t mean you don’t care, don’t support, and just completely shut people out of your life. It just means you finally love yourself enough to walk away from things and people that no longer serve you growth. You love and respect yourself enough to start surrounding yourself with people who support you & genuinely love/care about you instead of being around those who find pleasure in pushing your buttons. When you respect yourself enough to say, “I DESERVE PEACE” and walk away from situations or people that prevent you from attaining it, you’ll see your life begin to change drastically… for the better! You’ll be much happier, less stressed and healthier !! 🙂
Let me just start off by saying that toxic relationships are dangerous to your health; they will literally kill you. Stress shortens your lifespan. Even a broken heart can kill you. People will drive you crazy if you let them. When you notice someone does something toxic for the first time, don’t wait for the second time before you address it or cut them off. Last year, I learned a few life lessons that taught me the importance of being selective about where & who I invest my energy in. I had certain goals that I was trying to reach, certain things that I was trying to achieve, big dreams that I was working towards & just trying to better myself as a person period and there were certain people that I hung around or allowed to be in my space that weren’t very supportive of any of those things. They weren’t bad people! Yeah, sure it was fun to hang out with them every now & then, laugh, joke, cut up & have a few drinks with but eventually I realized that they just weren’t the type of people that needed to be in my inner circle. This is cliché but it is sooooo important to make friendships that are deeper than gossiping, drinking and going out. Make friends with people who love you, genuinely care about you and want to see you make it. Build friendships and relationships with people who are supportive of your dreams, who constantly encourage you to do better and most importantly pray for you. Don’t get in the habit of hanging around people who show fake love, fake support, spread negativity, criticize you all the time, those who are jealous, don’t have any real life goals, constantly play the victim, who don’t care, are self-centered, always involved in drama & keep disappointing you. Those are toxic people you should just completely get rid of altogether. Never feel guilty about removing people like that from your life. It doesn’t matter if it’s a friend, new acquaintance, employer, romantic interest or family member!! You are allowed to terminate your relationship with toxic people! You are allowed to walk away from people who hurt you. Learn how to forgive and love people from a distance when it becomes necessary. Understand me when I say, “YOU DON’T OWE ANYONE AN EXPLANATION FOR TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF”. Love yourself enough to walk away from anything and anybody that no longer serves you growth and I’m serious! Last year, I finally learned how to start walking away from situations or people who threatened my peace of mind, self-respect or self-worth. I put a lot of distance between myself & those that I felt were becoming detrimental to my life and where I was trying to go. I didn’t care if it meant me spending more time at home & less time on the phone. I knew that if I was going to have any chance at reaching any of my goals, being successful or get anywhere else in life besides where I was… I was going to have to make some changes concerning the people I chose to socialize with and invest my energy in period. As a result, my life has been more peaceful, a little less stressful and not only have I achieved SOME of the goals I set for myself but I also went way beyond them and I’m proud of that! I truly believe that your your inner circle can have an impact on your success. I’ll tell you right now, you are only going to be as good as the people you surround yourself with. So be brave enough to let go of those who keep weighing you down. The more you become aware of what’s really worth your energy, the better off you’ll be. Letting go of toxic people is not cruelty. It’s an act of self-care. Always Remember That !! ❤️