To The Mom Who Feels Discouraged

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When you find yourself locked in the bathroom, sobbing on the floor because you’ve just had enough, that does not mean you have failed as a Mom! Being a Mom is hard. That is NOT failure. That is a fact. Parenting doesn’t come with a handbook. You just have to do the best you can. Ya know? You’ll have good days, bad days, normal days, overwhelming days, perfect days, trying days, supermom days, just being a mom days, with a whole lot of love and real, crazy motherhood days!! It just gets real chaotic sometimes. I’m a mom of two boys. So I understand the frustration you may be feeling.. if you feel any at all. I just wanted to take the time to encourage you today and let you know that it’s gonna be okay! If today is bad, look for tomorrow to be better. You just never know with kids. One day, their angelic little sweethearts & the next they’re demonic little heifers that will have you ready to pull every strand of hair off of your head! 😂🙈

Either way, just know that YOU ARE APPRECIATED!! ❤
That’s something that most of us moms aren’t used to hearing very often! We are primarily responsible for SO much – working a full-time job, keeping the house clean, keeping the laundry done, making sure the kids are bathed, cooking, helping the kids get their homework done and also making sure they understand it .. as a mom, you are a your child’s first teacher.. their first kiss, their first love, heck and sometimes even a doctor! Yeah, I said it .. a DOCTOR !! We’re all the time cleaning up those sores and kissing those boo boo’s, nurturing and comforting them after a terrible accident .. MOMS ROCK!! And special shout out to the single moms! You know it’s good to have help from the children’s dad. I appreciate my Husband so much. He knows when to step in and pick up my slack or take over some of my mommy duties so I can have somewhat of a break, but to not have the help at all and do it alone is a totally different story! Single Moms , I salute you !!!! ❤👏👏
“Mommin’ ain’t easy!” 😂 I say that now with laughter, even as my own kids are currently upstairs arguing, but it’s true! You can only understand that if you’re a mom! So much comes with it that it’s not even funny but at the end of the day it’s always the most rewarding thing. Most importantly, remember.. that you are human too. You don’t have to have it together every minute of every day. Sometimes, it’s okay if the only thing you do is breathe. It’s okay to take a break and rest. Always make some time for you!

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God gave those little children to you, mama… TO YOU! No one else can mother them like you can. You may have your work cut out for you, but you’re the one cut out to accomplish it !! Don’t ever forget that. xoxo!
-Jessica

KIDS CONFIDENCE MATTERS!

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Our first night of T-ball practice was a huge success!! The only thing their practice consisted of tonight was running bases and hitting the ball. It was a great start! ALL of the kids did such a wonderful job & even though it was freezing cold out there they still had a great time! I’m proud so proud of my babies though!! They were listening, paying attention and most importantly having fun 🙂 

I’m especially proud of RJ though and let me tell you why. First, I’m going to start by letting you in on a little bit of my personal business. For a little while now, RJ (my five year old) has struggled a little bit with self-esteem and confidence issues. At first, Justin & I couldn’t figure out what was causing him to feel so low about himself at such a young age because we make sure the exact same love and attention is shown to both of our boys but during this past year of trying to help him gain confidence and improve his self-esteem.. it just sort of clicked with me!

RJ is my firstborn child and like most first time parents – I spoiled him rotten! As a parent, you want to give your kids everything their heart’s desire to make them happy, but parents who give too much, too often can spoil their children. As a matter of fact, between me, my family and his biological dad’s side of the family.. we babied him entirely too much. I’m not gonna lie, we were all a little too overprotective over RJ. I mean as soon as he would fall down, bump his head or something like that we’d rush to his rescue instead of letting him be a big boy and get back up on his own. As time passed, I started to think that we probably did more harm to RJ’s growth than we actually helped it and when he started Pre-K.. my thoughts were confirmed to be right! Spoiling/babying your children can be harmful to them, both socially and developmentally.

RJ started Pre-K when he was four years old and he had the hardest time. As far as schoolwork went, he excelled in that but his social skills were awful, he lacked independence, and he struggled some with his speech. He wasn’t as mature as the rest of the kids in his class. In fact, his teacher that year told me that he wasn’t mature for his age yet. As disheartening as that was at the moment, she was right and it was just a hard truth that I had to face. Because his social skills weren’t where they needed to be, he didn’t play much with the other kids. He was considered the “loner” in his class. Even though, he could dress/undress himself and never needed any help in the bathroom he still lacked independence because he wasn’t good with following two and three step directions. Even though he excelled in his schoolwork, knew how to do everything and made really good grades, often times he wouldn’t actually complete his work without a teacher sitting right beside him kind of guiding him and watching him do it. Last but not least, he struggled some with his speech. I feel like this and his social skills definitely had a big impact on his self-esteem. For the most part, you could understand what RJ was trying to say but sometimes what he was saying didn’t make sense. Sometimes, the teachers didn’t understand him nor could they make sense of what he was trying to say. Of course his teachers would work with him the best they could but then there were kids… kids being kids… when RJ did try to play and talk with them and they couldn’t understand what he was saying.. some of them would kind of tease and pick at him and ask questions like, “Why do you talk like that?” and after a few of those questions is when RJ shut down even more. His teachers started telling me that he started to be more quiet than usual and was hardly talking at all. At this point, I knew that my baby was embarrassed. He would come home and try to tell me about it but just didn’t know how to get it out so he would say things like, “I don’t have any friends or I only have one friend or the other kids were making fun of me or I don’t know how to do this or that or I don’t understand” and as a parent.. as a MOM.. this was very hard for me to hear. A part of me wanted to get those kids and confront the teacher about potential bullying and the other half of me just wanted to break down and cry. I did cry actually because I knew that everything RJ was going through was pretty much my fault. Had I not been babying him so much, he would have never been in that type of situation. So anyways, after a few breakdowns or two.. I finally got myself together. My Husband & I came up with a few plans and different strategies to put into the action of working towards improving his self-esteem, confidence and maturity.

The road to this type of success has not been easy but worth it! We’ve worked more in depth with learning school work, reading, improving speech, let him participate in more activities with many other kids and I also had to put my foot down with my family! It is so hard trying to raise your children a certain way and teach them new habits when family members keep encouraging the exact opposite. It’s very frustrating. We had to have a few “Come to Jesus Meetings” before I finally just said, “If you can’t respect the positive changes we’re trying to make in RJ’s life for the betterment of his growth and future.. then you will be cut off!” and I wasn’t playing either!

RJ has improved tremendously in all areas and I am so proud! All of the extra work we’ve been putting in with him has paid off. He talks so good now that no one would ever believe that last year he struggled with speech at all. His social skills are much better. There’s a little group of kids in class that he sticks with and he has like two “best friends” haha!! He’s definitely way more independent now with everything. He gets that classwork done with no problem or the comfort of having a teacher right beside him. He’s one of the top smartest in his Kindergarten class!! That makes me & his dad sooooo PROUD! He’s currently five years old and acts like it. He’s definitely matured a lot in this past year and I couldn’t be happier! Most importantly though.. his self-esteem and confidence has came a loooong way! I feel like it’s finally where it needs to be at, especially after last night’s first baseball practice!! 🙂 He was so proud of himself and excited. He was confident in everything he done on the field last night. He’s like a different kid. He’s a big boy now .. so he says.. but deep down he will always be my baby! Both RJ & Noah will. 

I’m sorry. I know this post was a little lengthy today but I appreciate you taking the time to read it! The moral of my post is that self-esteem is an important part of confidence. Having good self-esteem means accepting and feeling positive about yourself. Confidence is not just feeling good but also knowing you are good at something. Particular ways of thinking are very important for building confidence, especially for kids. Kids confidence matters… a lot! 

xoxo,

Jessica!

My BIGGEST Failure as a Parent :(

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Fighting with my Husband in front of the kids…

Just like any other couple, my Husband & I bump heads and have our disagreements from time to time. The one thing I can say I’m proud of is that we don’t argue nearly as often as we use to! As a matter of fact, when we pretty much see an argument approaching we kind of avoid each other and save it for later when the kids are in bed sleeping or we just argue it out through text messages of course while we’re physically not around each other to actually talk it out.

But for this particular situation, I’ll admit.. I was already upset before the argument happened. Long story short, my Husband had done something the night before that got under my skin. The next day, I wanted to sit down and simply talk about it. Let’s just say that I apparently chose the wrong time to approach the conversation. My Husband wasn’t feeling it and as a result I got emotional. The conversation actually went downhill from there. We both started lashing out at each other. Things led from one thing to another. Screaming, yelling, throwing things & etc. We both just kind of lost it on each other that day! Now…when this argument took place, he & I were in our bedroom with the door shut and the kids were in their room across the hall playing with their door shut as well. That didn’t stop them from coming out to see what was going on though. They didn’t get to see/hear much but they saw and heard enough!!

This was definitely one of those arguments that could’ve easily been avoided with some good effective communication. We had both been stressed about a number of things at the time and sometimes we tend to take our frustrations out on each other! Sometimes, our emotions get out of control and it’s not intentional. We’re human and that’s okay.. but what was NOT okay was the fact that our kids saw and heard some of the argument. It was awful. My Husband & I both grew up seeing our parents fight and argue all the time. We both still remember how we felt in those moments and the last thing we want to do is put our children through the exact same thing. 

It’s so unhealthy for children to see their parents fight & more than anything they are emotionally harmed. After it was all said & done, my Husband & I not only apologized to each other but we had to apologize to the kids too & explain why and where we went wrong. Man, we felt so horrible after that but yeah.. so far, that’s my biggest failure as a parent! I know that we’re not the first couple to lose our minds in front of our kids, nor will we ever be the last. There are some parents/couples out there that our far worse than we are and they just keep going. We try to make sure we correct ourselves and are careful to not let it happen repetitively or ever again! 

What’s your worst failure as a parent? If you’re comfortable enough to share, feel free to do so in the comments 🙂 Nothing to be ashamed of. None of us are perfect! 

 

 

Mini Me Motivation.. What Keeps You Going?

 

Well, I’ll tell you what motivates me and those are my babies! As cliché as it may sound, I’m serious… they have a lot to do with who I am today. I found courage to get out of an abusive and domestically violent relationship all off the strength of my first born son, RJ. Honestly, leaving that relationship was a hard thing for me to do because everything that I’d dealt with, I had become accustomed to & there was a little bit of fear in me each time I tried to leave but when RJ came in the picture my mindset began to change. He was the most precious thing I had ever laid eyes on and I knew I didn’t want to raise him up in that type of environment. Kids don’t ask to be here nor do they deserve that. Because of RJ, I found enough courage to leave shortly after he turned a year old. I finally came to terms with the fact that I DESERVED BETTER than what I was choosing to settle for and most importantly, my baby deserved the very best that I could give him. I moved back home with my dad to create a safer, calmer and happier environment for him. In the meantime, I worked to get back up on my feet & worked on some personal growth as well. A few months later, I started dating a different guy (who is now my Husband! We’ve been together for almost 6 years & so far married for almost 7 months!! He is nothing short of amazing might I add!) Anyway, I got pregnant by him during our very first year of dating. During my second pregnancy with my second son, Noah… I spent a lot of time thinking about my future and what I could do to improve it and make it better than what I had going on at that moment in my life. Of course, like most people I wanted to go back to college and finish what I’d started but at the time I couldn’t afford it, I didn’t have a very good support system & I also knew that I needed to be working somewhere and contributing bills along with my partner. I knew I didn’t want to work at a fast food restaurant and I dang sure wasn’t going back to a factory! Not that there’s anything wrong with working in either one of those job fields, I just felt like they weren’t for me and I refused to settle for it. I knew I had to do something though and it had to be good. Taking care of one child is enough but to start taking care of two on top of bills and etc, I knew it would be expensive and I knew I had to have some sort of game plan! So I decided to take CNA classes and become a Certified Nursing Assistant! To you, it may not seem like much but for me… it was everything! It was the first time I felt like I had succeeded in something besides graduating high school. I was so proud of me! On top of that, I knew that having that certification meant I wouldn’t ever have to go back and work at a factory again or settle for minimum wage jobs simply because CNA’s are always in high demand! Whether it’s at a nursing home, clinic, or hospital they will always be in high demand. I don’t think I would’ve ever pushed myself that hard to achieve something like that if I had not gotten pregnant again. So to Noah, I will always be grateful for that motivation! I can honestly say, I’m a better person because of my kids. Not perfect but BETTER. I have a healthier lifestyle because of them. I make better choices because of them. The way I manage my money is improving somewhat because of them (haha). Even though I hate getting up & going to work everyday, I go because of them! I’m working hard now so I can help set them up for success later in the future. I have more self-control because of my children. I respond differently now to certain things, situations & people that upset me. I’m not about that drama life because I’m about THEIR LIFE! See, when you have kids, you gotta move a different kind of way. I’ve learned to be selective in my battles. Sometimes, PEACE is definitely better than being right!! I’ve had to fight through some rough days, painful situations & sad nights during my 26 years of living and sometimes I feel like the main reason I’ve pushed on through them all was weighing on the strength of my two babies and that’s real. I got pregnant with both of my kids out of wedlock and yes, a lot of people frowned on that and tried to be judgmental but you know what… GOD knew what He was doing when he gave me my two boys & ultimately, HE is the one that I will forever be grateful to for that!! God truly had a purpose for my life before I ever had a plan for myself & my babies… they were clearly apart of His plan 🙂

So, what is it that keeps you motivated? What is it that keeps you going from day to day? Drop some comments & let me know! I love hearing other people’s stories, testimonies and things of that nature. I find most of them inspiring 🙂 Also, feel free to follow my page! It’s totally free and doesn’t cost anything. All you have to do is click the follow button, enter your email, and then confirm your subscription to my page through your email to get an update every time I post! T H A N K S for tuning in with me today! Hope you come back!!